Skits

During the liver performance there will be a chance for brief poetry readings, songs, and skits written by patients of the day; as if it were a mini talent show for residents. Three texts below will be recited by members of the cast. There will also be a short musical performance using medical equipment: pill bottles, medicine bottles, syringes, balloons, etc.

THE SUN PALACE

LIVE READINGS DURING SHOW

A sonnet to Russell Cheney

By Phelps Putnam, 1927

Christ never rose again, but you arose,

My ribald saint, out of a deathly bed

To snatch my insubstantial life from those

Despairs and poisons which had made me dead.

How dark and delicate you are, and yet

How full of blood, and I am only caught

In irony, a nervous vulgar net.

We were a sturdy differential fraught

With an unlikely mirth, and hand in glove

Between strange-sorted friends and gay disdain;

But all the time, beyond my scope of love,

Lonely you prowled the inward vaults of pain,

Seeking, beyond harsh loyalty, some rest

From bearing the vague misery of quest.

Nursery Rhyme of Colorado Springs

By Charlotte Vimont Arnold

[chorus] Carlotta, Carlotta, where have you been?

[solo] I’ve been to the Doctor to see why I’m thin!

Carlotta, Carlotta, what did you there?

I took off my garments and sat on a chair!

Carlotta, Carlotta, what happened then?

The story’s too lurid for my modest pen:

They hammered and thumped me and measured my lines,

And listened with scopes while I shrieked “99s.”

They prodded and pounded and counted my bones,

And laid out my back in blue penciled zones!

Then next they X-rayed me to see what they’d missed,

While a student assistant wrote out a list.

Then the chief, with a smile engaging to see,

[DOCTOR] “I’LL HAVE TO INFORM YOU, YOU’VE GOT THE ‘T.B’”

With courteous manner this high-brow on germs

Said: “FIFTY BUCKS, PLEASE, ARE OUR USUAL TERMS!”

Since I Had’m

By Ralph Stubbs, 1922

Since I have had’m I have eaten 2500 eggs, in every shape, form, and manner, except raw;

Drunk 3700 glasses of milk, and consumed 600 loaves of bread fixed up as milk toast.

I have had my temperature taken over 2600 times, and broke three temp sticks. Have spilled three hot-water jugs on my feet, worn out ten rubber hot-water bottles and a dozen rubber rings.

Have slept on one side all the time, with a tender spot on the ear on that side, and another close by.

My pulse has been filed over 2600 times, two teeth have been pulled, and five gallons of salve have been rubbed on my ‘ploorisy.’

I have been under the X-ray ten times and under the stethoscope 50 times. I have had 30 accidents that require the nurse, her hypo, and the bag of ice for my chest. Number of ice-bags for my head—no record.

Consumed over 1200 cups made by Stone & Forsythe, Boston.

Used 200 pounds of paper napkins and 3500 No.4 Sacks.

Flirtations with nurses—too dangerous.

Cursed doctors—same.

I have put on my clothes 4000 times. Taken them off—ditto.

Pronounced a Goner four times.

I have taken over 3000 baths and ten gallons of American Oil. Used 1500 quarts mouth wash, 10 quarts of Chlorotone Inhalent, and swallowed 3000 soda mints.

Fifteen men have sat on my chest, listened, and thumped. They have tweaked my ears, poked down into my throat, and lifted my nose.

I have whispered 1-2-3, and gone through the “in and out” stunts.

Have had tonsillitis and three good rounds of the Flu.

Have been broke and lost a home.

Am doing nothing but—

            Eatin’

            Sleepin’

            Thinkin’

            &

            Smilin’.

Figure it up, and see what I have been doing, and how long I have been at it.

Doing a come-back at 29.

I thank you.